Can we all just take a moment to consider this possibility: James Bond is a Time Lord.
Here's what we know. James Bond has been kicking villainous ass since the 1960s. He looks different every few years. This leaves us with only a few possible explanations.
- One (which was almost included in a line of dialog in one of the films to make it canonical) is that 'James Bond' is in fact a code name taken by every 007. This would mean that every different Bond we see is just that, a different 'Bond.' It's specific non-inclusion in the movies though means this is not the case. It also doesn't make sense because events clearly transcend the Bonds, like Moore's Bond taking revenge on Blofeld for the killing of Tracy Bond, who actually married Lazenby's Bond.
- The second is that all of the different looking Bond's are simply the same man and are perceived as such by all in universe characters. We, the viewers, are the only ones who see any difference at all, whether it be in physical appearance or personality and mannerisms. The films also exist on a sliding timeline, with time being relative to Bond. Therefore James hasn't been a spy for close to fifty years, thus explaining why he isn't a doddering, denture-wearing old person. The Marvel Comics universe operates on a similar timeline, which is why Spider-man is only in his thirties, despite being active since the 1960s in reality. (This is probably the explanation most of you accept, but phooey on you.)
- The final possibility (no, there are no others besides these three) is that James Bond is a Time Lord, like the Doctor himself. This would explain the constantly changing appearance, as well as account for the personality differences that each new Bond possesses, like Moore's cool intelligence and humor compared to Dalton's...well...Dalton-ness. Consider:
- 007 is known to constantly travel with companions, rarely undertaking his adventures alone.
- He frequently travels in a vehicle that is more that it initially appears to be, and is bigger on the inside. (Cars cannot hold that much armament under the hood and still fit the engine inside. It's just science people.)
- He uses technology that, to most people, seems to be science fiction.
- He, like all Time Lords, speaks in a British accent.
- He travels through time. (Albeit slowly...and in a straight line. I'm reaching now, but stay with me.)
- I once heard him say, "Come along Pond." (Okay, I just made that one up. We're done now.)
Obviously, the evidence is clear, and it is conclusive and irrefutable. I for one will enjoy the James Bond series even more now that I know James's clever little secret.
If you're looking for reasons that this posts exists, I have none, other than that I've been watching way too much Doctor Who lately and happened to read an update on the next Bond movie. Things collided in my brain and spewed forth the word monster you see before you. And that sounded disgusting.
Some notes: The title is obviously a Diamonds Are Forever reference, my personal favorite Bond movie, followed closely by Goldeneye (space lasers FTW!). I debated in my head what the plural of TARDIS should be, so I asked the Internet and it responded the way it usually does, by giving me too much information. It was between TARDISs, TARDISes, and TARDI (or TARDII). While I enjoy 'i' as a pluralizer, TARDISes sounded better in the title, so that was the winner. I also thoroughly apologize for the gap in posts. I have no excuses.